Miracles

At my church, we recently had a series on miracles. We prayed for spiritual, relationship, physical and financial miracles. There have been many miracles that occurred in the lives of people in our church. Because of this, I've been contemplating why some people receive miracles and others don't. Why does God heal minor maladies of some people, but allow the cancer to continue raging through the bodies of others? Why does one person receive a financial windfall while another, who seems to need it more, gets nothing? It doesn't make any sense. I don't doubt that God is sovereign and that there are things happening that we have no idea of, but it just seems so random sometimes. There must be a reason behind these things; I just wish there was a way to know what it is.

Would I have received the healing I asked for if I had more faith? What if I had been better about tithing, would that have made a difference? Why do I deserve it less than the ones who were healed?

I guess that's where faith comes in. Trusting that even though it doesn't make any sense, God still is in control and has a plan.

Maybe someday I'll be able to accept that answer without the fear and anger that sometimes derails me. Right now, I'm upset because I believed that we would receive the miracles in our bodies and miracles in our finances that we asked for, but nothing has happened. In fact, things seem to have gotten worse. My husband is about to lose his job and he's just as sick as he was last month and now we really can't afford health insurance to get him checked out. Everything in the world seems to be falling apart and there's no way to know when someone will show up to start putting the pieces back together.

I'm prone to bouts of depression and I feel myself sinking again. I hope my ramblings here have not brought down anyone who happens to be reading this. Sometimes getting my thoughts and feelings out into the open helps me not become overwhelmed by the emotional tides that ebb and flow within me.