One of a Million (or more)

Well, it looks like I have joined the ranks of the millions in the USA that are unemployed. I got the news last Wednesday. I have to say that I was completely surprised when it happened. I have known for a few weeks now that lay-offs were coming, but I was told several times by my supervisor that my position was the only one in my department that was secure. They needed me, he said. I guess they changed their minds. I was the only person in the department who was let go. I really wonder what the conversation was that resulted in me being the one they chose. I ran things in that department for the past 3 years. I really was the only person who had a handle on everything that happened there. It doesn’t make any sense to me, or anyone else I talked to about it, (including my supervisor, who was as shocked as I was about it) but I guess it must make sense to someone.

So, I’m now spending my days updating my resume, researching the job market and applying at employment agencies. It’s not too much fun. I hope I don’t have to do it too long.
To make matters more complicated, my husband’s job will be ending in 3 days. I’m not sure how we are going to survive on the unemployment checks of 2 people, but it seems that we may have to figure out how to do that.

My comfort in the matter is that I know that God knew this was going to happen. He knows what we need more that I do and he will not let us fall. It may be that this is a time where we will really have to learn how to trust in him, that he will provide for our needs. I don’t know what he has planned for our future, but I know that I have been working very hard over the past year (more than any other time in my life) to walk in his will and I believe he will honor that.

I’m excited to see how God is going to work out this very difficult situation. Our pastor said a couple of weeks ago that when we ask for a miracle we have to have faith that it will happen and then look for it to come to pass. I’m keeping my eyes open for the miracle that is coming our way.

Please believe with me for the financial miracle that my family needs.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Miracles

At my church, we recently had a series on miracles. We prayed for spiritual, relationship, physical and financial miracles. There have been many miracles that occurred in the lives of people in our church. Because of this, I've been contemplating why some people receive miracles and others don't. Why does God heal minor maladies of some people, but allow the cancer to continue raging through the bodies of others? Why does one person receive a financial windfall while another, who seems to need it more, gets nothing? It doesn't make any sense. I don't doubt that God is sovereign and that there are things happening that we have no idea of, but it just seems so random sometimes. There must be a reason behind these things; I just wish there was a way to know what it is.

Would I have received the healing I asked for if I had more faith? What if I had been better about tithing, would that have made a difference? Why do I deserve it less than the ones who were healed?

I guess that's where faith comes in. Trusting that even though it doesn't make any sense, God still is in control and has a plan.

Maybe someday I'll be able to accept that answer without the fear and anger that sometimes derails me. Right now, I'm upset because I believed that we would receive the miracles in our bodies and miracles in our finances that we asked for, but nothing has happened. In fact, things seem to have gotten worse. My husband is about to lose his job and he's just as sick as he was last month and now we really can't afford health insurance to get him checked out. Everything in the world seems to be falling apart and there's no way to know when someone will show up to start putting the pieces back together.

I'm prone to bouts of depression and I feel myself sinking again. I hope my ramblings here have not brought down anyone who happens to be reading this. Sometimes getting my thoughts and feelings out into the open helps me not become overwhelmed by the emotional tides that ebb and flow within me.

Working from home

I've been working from home the last couple of afternoons because my kids are sick and my mother-in-law is sick too and feeling too weak to be looking after them. It's nice to be home more, but it's a challenge to work at home. It's hard because on the one hand I feel like I should be getting more done around the house but on the other hand, I still have the same amount of work that needs to be done for my job. I get to see the kids more, but they want to be in on what I am doing, which is distracting and makes me less efficient.

Sometimes I think that it would be good for me to find a way to work from home all the time, but then when I have to do it, like today, I realize that it would be much harder than the rosy picture I have of it in my head. I might go a little stir-crazy and desperate for other adult conversation. On the other hand, I'm sure I'd get used to it. It would just take some adjusting.

I don't know what the answer is. Working outside the home keeps me away from the kids too much. Working from home is hard and might leave the kids feeling like I'm always pushing them away or sending them to their rooms to play. Not working isn't an option right now, so what do I do?

What does everyone else do?