Reviving a Dream

I know, I know. I’ve been a bit lax in posting to my blog, lately. I’ve had a lot going on and writing has not been at the forefront of my mind. Work has been crazy. My Little Man has been trying to get a molar for the past few weeks and being VERY disagreeable about it. I’m starting to think someone stole my sweet little boy and replaced him with an obstinate, overly sensitive grump. I’m ready to have my son back.

To make things even more interesting, I’m reading a book right now called The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. In it, he talks about how God gives each person a Big Dream for their life. This is something that each person is born with and is designed to do. People usually know from a young age what their Big Dream is. If you don’t know what your Big Dream is, think back to what you wanted to do when you were a child. Many people decide somewhere along the way that the Dream they have is impossible and they give it up in favor of a more reasonable pursuit. This really only leads to living a life that feels unfulfilling and like something is missing.

This book is really speaking to me because I have spent the last few years of my life trying to figure out why I always feel so unsatisfied. I have always felt that I was meant for something bigger, something more that what I am doing. Apparently, I was right. I’m not meant to have an ordinary life. None of us are. We are meant to be doing extraordinary work that God designed for us to do before we were born.

Here’s the hard part. Reading this book reminded me what my Big Dream is. It reminded me about the dream that I’ve had since I was a child. It reminded me that God spoke to me 7 years ago and told me that it was what he had for me. It reminded me of the dream that I decided about 5 years ago I wasn’t talented enough to pursue. It resurrected the dream that I gave up because it was too much of a “pipe dream”.

It’s been an enormously emotional experience. It was more painful that I would have guessed to begin to believe again in the dream that I have given up on. I’m still struggling with it. Mostly, I’m scared. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough, that people won’t care enough to listen to me, that I’ll try and fail miserably, that I’ll invest myself in something that really has no chance of succeeding. I’m trying to convince myself to try anyway.